if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
