Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
