I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
