I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was confusing and full of hummus
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
