Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My penis needs a shock collar
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize