so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
