New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
