I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
