Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
