dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
