Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
