is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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