So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
