Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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