so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
