she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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