apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
