Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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