I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize