can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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