She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize