Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize