I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
