Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
