the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
