My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize