return my video game
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
