I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
