so that wasnt chicken after all
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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