Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
