somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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