Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
