remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
