we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
