I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
