at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
