1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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