Nicole vs. Life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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