he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
