Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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