In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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