a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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