The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
