She said her name was "party"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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