white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize