Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She told me I should be a condom model.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
