she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And then he peed in my hair
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