I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
