I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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