So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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