you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
