The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize