I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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