I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
