Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
