so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
