Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
