What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
