I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
soo... how was my night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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