First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
