did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
