Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The Olympian is in my bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
