oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
