i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my liver is dry heaving
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
