Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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