Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
