everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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