I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
