i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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