Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
