dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
