Pappa wants mamma naked
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
