remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
