I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize