your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
