hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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