When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
