Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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