Say something about gay babies.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
