he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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