so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
